Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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