At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
