Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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