I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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