My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
