we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
