i think my mom watched the whole time
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
