I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
