My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
