we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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