Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
