Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
