Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My breasts were aching with rage.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
