i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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