i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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