dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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