just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
