I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
