I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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