Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
