your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
