Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
