I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
