As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
