i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So vagazzling was a success
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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