Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
