your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
