Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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