Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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