god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
