i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
