didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
