I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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