Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
