Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
