I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
