she woke up with a sticky ear
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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