Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
