Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I yelled at your uterus for you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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