why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
