We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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