this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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