Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
