I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
