I am puke
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
