A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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