I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
