hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
