he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
