Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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