dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My penis needs a shock collar
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
