in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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