Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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