Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
only you would photoshop your dick
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I lost the right to judge tonight
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
