At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
