I like to think it a success when the cops are called
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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