for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
