You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
