Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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