My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
