I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
