No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She needs sedatives and a leash
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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