At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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